A message from Anonymous

Assalamu'alaikum Wingga

See, I will graduate soon, but my partner will graduate later, so it means we will be a part, maybe I will busily do my new job and he will stay to finish his study - in fact, now, we always meet. Ben, I know you have received this same question all the day, but still - I wanna ask you this same-silly-question. LDR, right? how do you keep your relationship, your trusty, your feeling at the same person, Rara? - convinced me that LDR may be worked. Grazie, Wing.

Jawab:

wa'alaikumussalam

A silly question? As my lecturers here have constantly said, “There’s no such thing as a silly question!”

Look at your relationship now. Are you both open to each other? Or are you secretly jealous or envious or angry or upset at each other? How do you feel now? Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but now, how do you feel? Do you trust your partner? Are you open to your partner?

Are you having trust issues at this moment? Not your partner, but you. Do you have trust issues with your partner? If you don’t, you wouldn’t be asking these questions would you? 

Can an LDR work? yes it can, what do you need?

Openness.

Because openness gives birth to trust. Do you have it now? 

Is your relationship based more on understanding or acceptance? 

Have you asked yourself why you are afraid of doing an LDR? What is the basis of your fear? Why are you afraid? There is a reason that you are afraid right? Are you not open? Is your partner not open? Did you have a bad experience in the past with your partner regarding trust issues? 

How do you feel for your partner right now?

My relationship is my relationship, my experience, my understanding. You can’t compare it with your relationship because we have experienced things differently and thus understood things differently. Including on how we define a relationship. 

Look at your relationship now. Don’t think about tomorrow, think about now, look at it now, observe it now and have a clear understanding of it now. Because what you have now will result in what you have tomorrow and anywhere you go.

metta.

semoga bermanfaat :)

(maaf ya di terjemahin ke bahasa inggris)